Having recently experienced a rather difficult life event, what has intrigued me is rather than getting swept away by the barrage of emotions, how instead my attention has been gradually been drawn to the beauty and blessings that arose from this tragedy. This response reminded me of the famous quote and teachings by Thich Nhat Hanh: “no mud, no lotus”. A lotus flower begins growing at the bottom of a muddy, murky pool, and slowly emerges toward the surface, bursting out of the water into a beautiful blossom. During the night the lotus closes and sinks under the water, and emerges again with the sunlight of a new day.
To me, the lotus in the mud symbolizes the hardships and difficulties of life, or a challenging time we have faced or are facing. As with the stem growing toward the surface, we also grow through our experiences, through our difficulties, learning lessons along the way, removing obstacles and overcoming our adversities. As the petals unfold, we too unfold, and become like a lotus rising from the murky waters and flowering into something beautiful.
In his book “No mud no lotus”, Buddhist monk Thich Naht Hanh writes:
The work of mindfulness is first to recognize the suffering and second to embrace it. A mother taking care of a crying baby naturally will take the child into her arms without suppressing, judging it, or ignoring the crying. Mindfulness is like that mother, recognizing and embracing suffering without judgment. So the practice is not to fight or suppress the feeling, but rather to cradle it with a lot of tenderness, (pp. 26-27).
Mindfulness and bringing kindness (kindfulness I like to call it!) to myself through daily practice has been the key in transforming the suffering I experience and I hope that I can bring this to your life too. I offer mindfulness courses and one-to-one sessions at the Green Parrot – please see the Green Parrot website or www.mindfullifenorfolk.uk for more information.
Recently, a friend expressed to me his anxiety at growing old. “I spend so much time thinking and using my brain, what will happen when I get older and I lose my memory?” What struck me was how invested his wellbeing is in his cognitive (thinking) abilities, which might explain his (perfectly) natural anxiety about old age.
This got me thinking about what we tend to invest our time, money and energy into. When contemplating the inevitable progression towards old age, I realised how much of Western society’s talk and time focuses on financial investment. Suddenly I thought “what about our emotional pensions”? What are we doing for ourselves in the here and now to benefit our wellbeing when we get older? How often, when we do or buy something, do we think “what benefit will this have on me and my life in the future?”
In relation to my friend’s comment, it is easy to see how anxiety can arise when we invest too much of our identify and wellbeing into one small component of ourselves. Julie Rees, a local Norfolk-based teacher specialising in Values-Based education speaks of how our growth and emotional resilience depends on how much time we spend in our 5 rooms. She was not referring to our physical home, but our personal, internal rooms. These are:
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We might have a favourite ‘room’ that we spend time in, but what happens when things change? Let’s say you love spending time socialising, that this is your primary way of recharging and feeling positive. What happens when our dearest friends move away (or, as often happens in old age, pass away)? What if we love nourishing ourselves through physical exercise to then be crippled with chronic pain?
If we establish more balance in what we do to nurture all aspects of ourselves, we can feel more whole and able to face the adversities of life.
What is in each room?
To be able to build up our emotional pension, we need to invest some time exploring who we are and what is in each of our inner rooms.
Ask yourself: What are the activities in each of these rooms? You will know what these are by identifying:
Remember
Elizabeth McConnell is a qualified Cognitive-Behaviour Therapist. She works using CBT but also has a specialist interest in Mindfulness. Elizabeth provides both individual and group therapy at the Green Parrot Health food Store and Clinic in Swaffham. For a FREE ½ hour consultation to discuss whether CBT or Mindfulness-based therapy might benefit you, please contact the Green Parrot.